Kate Hannon.  January 2023.

Becoming a parent is something no one can ever prepare you for. People can tell you what it’s like and the challenges you will face, but you don’t truly know until it happens.

As a first-time mum, I had to have a Caesarean section, I was out of action for 6 weeks and was lucky enough that my husband could have some time off to support us both, but when he returned to work, I became really lonely.

Here I was, on maternity leave with a brand-new beautiful baby boy and a partner who was trying to work every hour to support us financially.  People always told me maternity leave was a very lonely time and I don’t think I was quite prepared for this because it really was one of the loneliest times I have ever felt in my entire life.

I am lucky to have a big family, and I would use them for support occasionally.  However, I did find that sometimes family and existing friends know you too well and will make assumptions or try to take over rather than be supportive.  So I thought, what can I do? I can’t sit around the house all the time, not doing anything. I needed some sort of routine and I wanted to start introducing my son to new things.  Personally, I found that having at least two really good weekly parenting groups was beneficial to me getting through the tough weeks of parenting.

I would recommend trying out a few different groups as not all will suit everyone.  I found that I settled into two lovely groups and for different reasons they became essential support for me.

One of my two groups was a church group and I donated 50p and got unlimited tea, coffee and Victoria sponge cake! This group was a ‘no frills’ community group, and I felt so relaxed there.  There were lots of toys where I could sit on the floor and play with them with my son and chat with the other parents. We always seemed to be equally tired, and it was so reassuring to chat with parents who were worried about the same things that I was.  It was like a secret club where we were all free to talk about the things we generally didn’t feel able to chat to other people about (there was a lot of talk about the colour and consistency of poos!).  We sat with our brew and for 2 hours out of the week we shared all of the stories that made us cry at the time, but we laughed together at the absolute baptism of fire being a parent really is.

Visiting these groups not only helped my mental health massively but it also helped me in lots of other ways.  It broke my week up, and I would need to work my weekly self-care tasks around them, for example, I knew I would need to have a shower before these groups and remember to brush my hair.  Bathing was something that fell by the wayside in those first few months of being a new parent.  I would regularly baby wipe milk stains off my clothes and do the sniff test to see if I could re-wear an outfit!  Gross I know, but true, and I know through these parenting groups that I wasn’t alone with this.  By committing to going to these parenting groups it gave me the motivation to use the washing machine and make sure I was wearing something fresh and clean, and this would in turn change my mindset, and I felt more ‘put together’ and ready to take on the day.

By forcing myself to leave the house (some days were harder than others – depending on the number of night feeds), I felt able to tackle other things after the group, such as a trip to the supermarket, cleaning the bathroom or putting a load of washing on the maiden.

I would recommend to anyone who has become a parent to join a good parenting group. Whether you feel lonely, you’re not sure what to do, you want advice, or you need support they can provide all this and more. For me, they have been essential in helping me get through this massive learning process.  As parents, it’s one we are all going through and will continue to go through for the rest of our lives! It’s helped me realise that I’m not getting it all wrong and I met some great lifetime friends along the way.

Talking is the best medicine there is and it makes you realise

• You are not alone
• People have so many different struggles and experiences
• You can help others and others can help you
• There are kind people in this world

We may not be in the same boat………. But we are in the same storm so let’s ride it together!