Coral McCormick. November 2022.

From my experience of facilitating various relationship courses at Amber Family over the past 3 years, I have found that there is no universal definition of what a perfect relationship looks like; we all have our own ideas about what we think is the most important aspect of a good relationship. Generally, I would suggest that we know we are in a healthy relationship when we feel happy to see and spend time with the other person.

What I do know is that no relationship is ever perfect; there are bound to be moments when minor disagreements occur and cause frustrations. Healthy relationships take time to build and need constant upkeep to ensure they remain positive. This is all part of managing our relationships with those around us, whether it be a family member, friend, colleague, or even a romantic partner.

There are many factors that contribute to the development and maintenance of a healthy relationship, including;

• Communication
• Trust
• Respect
• Honesty
• Equality
• Support
• Independence
• Understanding

It takes two people to have a relationship and each person has different communication needs and styles. People in a relationship need to find a way of communicating that suits both of them. Healthy communication styles require practice and work; they will never be perfect all of the time. However, we need to work at communicating clearly to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, or resentment. It is important to be clear about what you want to say, make an effort to understand the other person’s perspective and double check you have understood correctly to avoid misunderstandings.

Tips for good communication include:

• Set aside time to talk without disruptions from other people or technology
• Talk about what you want, need, and feel- use I statements such as ‘I need, ‘I want, and ‘I feel’
• Be aware of your tone of voice
• Negotiate and remember you don’t have to be right all the time
• Let the other person speak without interruption and listen to them

Remember, communication is not just talking; non-verbal communication is just as important- posture, tone, facial expressions, and eye contact- can all tell the other person how you feel. Non-verbal communication is sometimes more important than what you say.

All relationships also require an element of trust, it is an essential part of establishing a bond with others. A relationship that is not built on trust is at risk of disagreements, suspicion, paranoia, and ultimately, breaking apart. Respect is therefore important in all relationships, and it is something that should be prioritised along with responsibility.

Responsibility in a relationship means being honest about your actions and being willing to face the consequences that come along with certain behaviours. This is easier said than done but if you are consistent with your approach, you will earn the respect that is also vital to a healthy relationship.
It is also important to ensure that the relationship is a priority; it can be difficult to find a balance between work, family, friends, and partners. Make sure you are taking the time to ensure those you have a relationship with feel important to you and set limits in other areas of your life where you feel they are needed. Take the time to find hobbies or interests that you can share, this will allow you to spend positive time together and could be as simple as finding a tv show you both enjoy.
People who have healthy relationships are more likely to feel happier and more satisfied with their everyday lives. They are also statistically less likely to suffer from physical or mental health problems. Healthy relationships can also help increase our sense of self-worth, boost confidence, reduce loneliness, and help us to understand ourselves better.

It is normal to have ups and downs in your relationships, and it is also okay to have different opinions. It’s important to try to find solutions that work for both of you and that you both respect and accept those differences. Finding solutions that work for both of you will require compromise and time. However, if you feel safe and happy when you’re around the other person, chances are that you’re on the right path.